Functioning Better

I don't think I'm less sleep this week than last, but I am functioning better. It's more that I have the ability to push myself to keep going. I'd like to think that someday I won't have to push myself, but I must admit that not calling the sleep doctor isn't helping. I don't have much hope, though. I'm afraid I'll just "need" to try more medications that will only provide awful side effects. I understand the need to rule out various options. I can't afford to function any less.

Wednesday was actually a pretty good day. Yesterday wasn't bad, either, although both days I felt incredibly anxious and irritable mid-morning. It was the type of anxiety that's so thick, it's obviously there, but there doesn't seem to be any cause other than everything. That reads like nonsense, but it's as close as I can come. Suffice it to say, it's horrible.

The dreams were for several days, but as of last night they're back. A bit of stress before sleep was likely the cause.

Fewer dreams

Fewer dreams, but just as bizarre and disturbing. The cat woke me up and kept me awake fewer times and for shorter periods, but it still really messes with my sleep.

I'm still incredibly tired. Just staying awake is difficult. Maybe I should sleep for a while and see if I can wake-up feeling less dull/slow and it's no so hard to stay awake.

Yesterday, I fell asleep on the cold tile floor in the dining area while the children ate breakfast. I have no idea how long I was there, but when I woke up the kids were through and I was chilled to the bone. We didn't get much done yesterday. Thankfully, it was Veteran's Day and there was lots of good TV programming about the history of the day and especially good Dogfights, etc.

Hard, Hard Night

I've been having lots of disturbing dreams lately. I can't remember any that have been actual nightmares where I'm in danger of physical harm. The disturbing part is more emotional/mental. Last night I can remember more than a half dozen where people I actually know were doing unkind to down-right nasty things to me. I couldn't seem to do anything right and I couldn't seem to communicate with those being unkind in any way to resolve the situations. The people in the dreams were everything from close family members to teachers when I was in secondary school. When I woke up this morning, I felt emotionally exhausted and physically drained. It wasn't exactly the ideal way to get an overnight rest.

It may be that my inconsistency in taking my medication due to water challenges is part of the cause, but I doubt it's all of it. Whatever it is, I'd rather not sleep if the dreams are going to continue.

Debating Efficacy of Klonopin

I probably should go back and read previous posts about Klonopin to convince myself that it did have benefits. I do find myself twitching more in the morning and evening, jumping as I awaken several times at both.

I have found that after no caffeinated soda pop for a while, I don't feel as jittery. It's odd that I haven't developed the same jitteriness with coffee. I *have* discovered that darker sodas cause me to be jittery more than lighter ones like Mountain Dew.

Medication challenges

After taking apart the aerator on our bathroom faucet and finding slimy gunk everywhere, I no longer can stomach the idea of drinking non-filtered water. I knew our water supply was iffy. The slimy gunk drove it home.

We have a water filter downstairs, but I've yet to find a routine (that I can remember) to take my medications downstairs. For the past few days, I've been very inconsistent in remembering it.

While I was sick, I stopped taking my prescription decongestant at night-time in favour of an over-the-counter decongestant that worked better. Three cheers for Alka-Seltzer fizzies. :^) I decided to see how I do if I don't take it even after the bulk of the cold was over. I have a much harder time waking up in the morning -- the primary reason I took it at night was the easier waking. But, once I can make it awake, I don't really feel all that different. I think this is something I'll try for a bit longer.

I still do not have a new script for the Klonopin. I have thought very seriously about calling the sleep doctor. It seems the times I can get up the courage, it's too late in the day to call. I really should call anyway and leave a message with the nurse. Oddly enough, it's just now that I remember that this is a possibility. That's embarrassing and sad.

Sick

Head colds tend to hit me hard and this one is no different. Everyone else in the house is down for a day, maybe two, I'm out for five to seven. Ugh. Thankfully I found a good cold medicine that lets me sleep.