Head cold?

Something's been going around our family. It's been pretty mild even for me. My sinuses have drained more and, as usual, the decongestants don't seem to have any effect. I've been a bit more tired, but nothing too remarkable.

This is the first time, though, that I've had problems with Nasonex. A few days after the increased sinus drainage, using the Nasonex caused my throat to burn. It was a persistent, moderate burning sensation. Normally I use the Nasonex twice a day. After the burning, I started using it only once a day thinking that might help relieve the problem. I don't remember if it did (having a poor memory stinks). A few days later, I started to have nose bleeds. At first I noticed it when I blew my nose. Over time it became more and more. There's a history of nose bleeds in my family, so it's not all that surprising, but this is the first time it's happened with me.

Sudden loss of energy

Yesterday, after a short morning nap following the event that is present opening, I felt great. So great, in fact that I went out to the rec room to see how the kids were doing with their new video game. I even decided to play some billiards while I was there. While walking outside, I actually wondered why I didn't do this more often.

By the time there were four balls left on the table, I was starting to feel annoyed. My shots were off -- it's been much too long since I've played. It was no longer fun, so I decided to quit. By the time I'd finished putting the cover on the pool table, I was tired. By the time I walked into the next room, it took an enormous amount of energy just to stand. I sat on the concrete floor and leaned against some stuff. It was all so sudden.

Sometimes water seems to help, so I asked for some water (horray for a kind spouse!). Lifting the bottle of water to my mouth took took all the energy I could muster. The water didn't help. I garnered enough energy to make it into the family room. I drank another glass of water. Then I was terribly cold, the kind of cold that seems to come from the inside. Perhaps it was the water. I wrapped myself in a blanket (thanks again to a kind spouse) and curled up into a ball. I tried to watch a tv program, but it was a struggle to follow it. It wasn't long before I fell asleep. I felt much better when I awoke though I was still a bit tired.

I felt tired the remainder of the day. I didn't need any additional naps, though.

No Call to Sleep Doctor Yet

I decided last night the reason I've not called is two-fold. First is the whole phone fear thing. Second is that I'm reasonably sure the problems with my tiredness is, if not caused then is certainly worsened, by emotional issues not physical ones. I hate the idea of trying all these medications to help me sleep better when what I really need is to (keep?) addressing the emotional ones. I feel dishonest. Worse yet is that I think the sleep doctor is pretty sure of this, too. Can you say elephant in the room? Frankly, if he'd just tell me I should probably see a counselor/therapist/whatever, I'd be thankful. There's just something about asking for it that seems....wrong, like I'm whining or trying to play the victim or get attention.

Whatever.

Functioning Better

I don't think I'm less sleep this week than last, but I am functioning better. It's more that I have the ability to push myself to keep going. I'd like to think that someday I won't have to push myself, but I must admit that not calling the sleep doctor isn't helping. I don't have much hope, though. I'm afraid I'll just "need" to try more medications that will only provide awful side effects. I understand the need to rule out various options. I can't afford to function any less.

Wednesday was actually a pretty good day. Yesterday wasn't bad, either, although both days I felt incredibly anxious and irritable mid-morning. It was the type of anxiety that's so thick, it's obviously there, but there doesn't seem to be any cause other than everything. That reads like nonsense, but it's as close as I can come. Suffice it to say, it's horrible.

The dreams were for several days, but as of last night they're back. A bit of stress before sleep was likely the cause.

Fewer dreams

Fewer dreams, but just as bizarre and disturbing. The cat woke me up and kept me awake fewer times and for shorter periods, but it still really messes with my sleep.

I'm still incredibly tired. Just staying awake is difficult. Maybe I should sleep for a while and see if I can wake-up feeling less dull/slow and it's no so hard to stay awake.

Yesterday, I fell asleep on the cold tile floor in the dining area while the children ate breakfast. I have no idea how long I was there, but when I woke up the kids were through and I was chilled to the bone. We didn't get much done yesterday. Thankfully, it was Veteran's Day and there was lots of good TV programming about the history of the day and especially good Dogfights, etc.

Hard, Hard Night

I've been having lots of disturbing dreams lately. I can't remember any that have been actual nightmares where I'm in danger of physical harm. The disturbing part is more emotional/mental. Last night I can remember more than a half dozen where people I actually know were doing unkind to down-right nasty things to me. I couldn't seem to do anything right and I couldn't seem to communicate with those being unkind in any way to resolve the situations. The people in the dreams were everything from close family members to teachers when I was in secondary school. When I woke up this morning, I felt emotionally exhausted and physically drained. It wasn't exactly the ideal way to get an overnight rest.

It may be that my inconsistency in taking my medication due to water challenges is part of the cause, but I doubt it's all of it. Whatever it is, I'd rather not sleep if the dreams are going to continue.

Debating Efficacy of Klonopin

I probably should go back and read previous posts about Klonopin to convince myself that it did have benefits. I do find myself twitching more in the morning and evening, jumping as I awaken several times at both.

I have found that after no caffeinated soda pop for a while, I don't feel as jittery. It's odd that I haven't developed the same jitteriness with coffee. I *have* discovered that darker sodas cause me to be jittery more than lighter ones like Mountain Dew.

Medication challenges

After taking apart the aerator on our bathroom faucet and finding slimy gunk everywhere, I no longer can stomach the idea of drinking non-filtered water. I knew our water supply was iffy. The slimy gunk drove it home.

We have a water filter downstairs, but I've yet to find a routine (that I can remember) to take my medications downstairs. For the past few days, I've been very inconsistent in remembering it.

While I was sick, I stopped taking my prescription decongestant at night-time in favour of an over-the-counter decongestant that worked better. Three cheers for Alka-Seltzer fizzies. :^) I decided to see how I do if I don't take it even after the bulk of the cold was over. I have a much harder time waking up in the morning -- the primary reason I took it at night was the easier waking. But, once I can make it awake, I don't really feel all that different. I think this is something I'll try for a bit longer.

I still do not have a new script for the Klonopin. I have thought very seriously about calling the sleep doctor. It seems the times I can get up the courage, it's too late in the day to call. I really should call anyway and leave a message with the nurse. Oddly enough, it's just now that I remember that this is a possibility. That's embarrassing and sad.

Sick

Head colds tend to hit me hard and this one is no different. Everyone else in the house is down for a day, maybe two, I'm out for five to seven. Ugh. Thankfully I found a good cold medicine that lets me sleep.

Jumping, twitching, jerking?

I don't remember what I've called it before. I suddenly jerk awake. Now that I recall, I did it before I started taking the Klonopin, but not while I was on it. It's annoying. I don't remember doing it as much in the middle of the night, although I did have some nights when it happened. When it did, I usually had caffeine too late at night. I did have caffeine around 6pm last night -- and I think I may have tonight, too. Having a bad memory stinks. This may be the thing that convinces me to call the sleep doctor.

I find that I need to proofread the things I type much more, too. I tend to miss words much more often or have difficulty spelling things correctly. I can actually "think" the correct spelling and have my fingers move a different way...it's a weird thing. I used to be able to talk to someone while thinking and typing something different. Now sometimes I can't even type what I'm thinking.

Hmmm, this is starting to sound like a gripe post. I don't intend that. My thoughts are how odd it is to feel this way. It's almost like my brain has started aging faster than my body and has "senior moments". LOL.

Out of Klonopin

Last night was the first night (intentionally) without the Klonopin. I didn't sleep well, partly because our old cat spent a lot of the night yowling, partly because of very odd and disturbing dreams, and partly because my oldest has a virus and he tends to run high fevers. I didn't sleep well the previous night either -- more cat yowling. I think the cat is deaf, has lost some of her eyesight, and likely suffers from some form of cat Alzheimer's. The poor old girl has her challenges, but she's still sweet and a good friend. On top of the yowling and dreams, I think I'm catching the virus my oldest child has. I've had a headache most of the day.

With all the above going on, it's hard to tell if this tired is normal, greater because of getting sick, or greater because of no Klonopin.

No, I still haven't called the sleep doctor. Nor have I submitted the script for Klonopin my gp gave me -- with my oldest sick with a fever, going out, even to drop off a script didn't seem like a good idea. So, maybe tomorrow I'll get more Klonopin, if "we" don't have such a good case of the sickies. I wouldn't count on my getting up the courage to call the sleep doctor.

Need. Coffee.

Early Monday Morning

I actually enjoy early mornings. Waking up early with all the potential of the day ahead feels good. The first part of waking is hard, but that's generally the rule with me on waking. I like a little time to myself in the morning before the chaos starts and getting up early (usually) gives me that. The problem is that waking early means I often need an additional nap. So, in effect, I'm trading time: more time to get my day going, for time in my day once it gets going.

Forgoing Diet Soda Pop

Several days ago, I decided to stop drinking diet soda. It seemed that every time I had more than one, I became jittery, anxious and uncomfortable. I decided to see if quitting the soda would make a difference. It appears it has. Since quitting soda, I've felt better. I'm surprised how much I miss it, though.

I've needed at least two, sometimes three, naps each day. The naps, if not interrupted or scheduled with an alarm, tend to last more than an hour.

Waking Up Tired

Every so often I contemplate that, for most of my life, I've been tired when I woke up. As stupid as it may sound, I'm tired of it. Having to fight tiredness for years and years gets to me. Giving in becomes tempting. Very tempting.

It doesn't help that my experiences seem to be not uncommon. I've read enough posting on message boards or other blogs to see that I'm not alone by a long shot. There seem to be a lot of very tired and very sleepy people "out there". A fair number of them, like me, have tried numerous solutions to no avail. A future of fighting to keep myself moving is discouraging. It may seem obvious, but I don't like pushing myself to keep going when I'm exhausted or sleepy. I especially don't like that it's a daily thing and has been for years. (Am I repeating myself?)

This sounds too much like whining. In a way, it was better NOT to know that most people don't normally have to constantly push themselves because they're tired and/or sleepy. I now know that, in theory, it doesn't have to be this way -- unless, of course, it does because this is just something with which I have to live. That last bit seems convoluted, but I know what I'm trying to say.

While I'm ranting, it also bugs me that my less than normal upbringing may play a part in this. I think it most likely does. Constant anxiety is tiring. Hyper-vigilance is tiring. It's too bad there isn't a switch to turn off such things.

Who knows, maybe this will help me gather the hope and "guts" to call the sleep doctor.

Structure helping

I've tried to develop more of a structure to my days and it's seem to have helped. I'm able to tell myself I just need to make it to a certain time and then I can rest.

This past week had additional factors that helped. Urgency. The power of adrenaline is amazing. Next week will need to be more low key. Already today, I'm very sleep even though I've had two cups of coffee (and my normal morning medications that are supposed to make it harder to sleep). A third cup tempts me, but I don't want the jitters I already have to increase. I even went to sleep at a normal time last night unlike many Friday nights. I just have way too much I want to get done to sleep the day away.

My memory is still pathetic. It's not uncommon for me to click on a web link and by the time the page loads I don't remember why I navigated there. I'm on DSL....it's frustrating.

I've still not yet called the sleep doctor...I need to do so fairly soon. I have about a week's worth of Klonopin left.

Memory? What memory?

The title says it all.

Another REALLY Sleepy Phase

It doesn't seem to matter how much or how little sleep I get, I'm always sleepy. My concentration is definitely even more dimished, as is my ability to make good decisions or face difficulties. This is not a good thing.

Several cups of coffee, my decongestant that contains a stimulant, Nasonex and plenty of water haven't changed anything. This is not a good thing. I have much, too much to do to lose more time sleeping. For the past several days, I've taken at least three naps. I usually don't feel well rested and sleeping for a while longer doesn't help. If I try to stay awake, I become incoherrent or grumpy beyond belief.

Waking Up Acting Out My Dreams

What a weird feeling! In my dream I'd be reaching for a book on a shelf and wake up as I raised my hand in the same way. The same thing happened as I dreamed about scritching my cat, and a few other things I can't remember. I don't ever remember doing that before.

I feel pretty good this morning, although when I first awoke I was still very tired. Sunshine helps.

Falling Asleep At the Lunch Table

It's been happening a lot again. Either that, or I lie on the floor and nap.

Spouse is pushing a CPAP. I'm not exactly sure why, but I hate the idea. Part of it is claustrophobia. Part of it is the result of past abuse; things being placed over my face, especially if they effect my breathing, tend to freak me out. Another much less reasonable part is stubborness. Every time I mention my tiredness to a doctor, they immediately go to CPAP.

I read an article somewhere about needing to measure the effort it takes a person to breathe. The theory is if the person has to work too hard to breathe, they'll be tired. Given that Nasonex makes it so much easier to breathe, it seems reasonable to me that this bears at least a bit of consideration.

Sunday Crash

Whether it was accumulated tiredness, stress or something else physical, Sunday was a total loss. I made it to church -- and through church -- but fell asleep on the sofa almost immediately upon getting home. Walking up the stairs to the bedroom required too much energy. Two hours later I was awake, but still tired. Two hours after that I took the kids to choir and was a complete basket case when we arrived home two hours after that. Exhaustion on top of severe anxiety is nasty. I slept a few hours more. By this time it was well into the evening, but I didn't have any trouble sleeping at night.

So, it's Monday. I didn't get a proper afternoon cat nap, but I did doze off while waiting at youngest's ballet practice. I slept a few more minutes on getting home, but there was just too much going on to actually rest until after supper. There'll be no problems sleeping tonight either.

I'm tempted to account the tiredness to personal stress. Family stuff and odd flash-back sort of stuff has been rather disturbing. I look forward to getting that resolved.

The Nasonex is still definitely a help. I've still yet to call the sleep doctor.

Beautiful Sunny Morning

Ah....sunshine. 'Nuf said.

I definitely notice a difference in ease of breathing with Nasonex. It's as if suddenly the volume of air I can easily breathe through my nose is greatly increased. It's that noticeable.

When I was young, I struggled in my early swimming class because I had trouble getting all the air out of my lungs. Breathing out with my nose I just couldn't do it. It was even difficult through my mouth. It seems like they may be/should be connected.

Afternoon Naps

Afternoon naps seem to be a daily necessity. A necessity because without them I'm either too slow to be of any value or too grumpy for anyone to be around me. Today, I slept on the floor in the dining room while the children were eating lunch. As with many of my naps, though I don't remember a lot of it, I could hear what was going on, yet I was asleep. I don't always nap that way, but often in the afternoon, it's the way I nap.

Busy Monday, Busy Tuesday, Wednesday?

Yesterday night found me going to the grocery store. A pot (eight cups) of coffee after 1pm helped me get through the afternoon and evening. No jitters or stomach problems, thankfully. A bit of a headache that likely was dehydration as much as anything.

It was only 7:30pm when I arrived home, but I was exhausted. I was in bed by 8:30pm and would have been asleep by then had I not had problems getting connected to the web so I could answer a very important question. It wasn't until 9:30pm that I was able to get to sleep.

The good news is, I felt good when I woke-up this morning. Actually, I woke-up on my own, without benefit of alarm clock. Hopefully that bodes well for the day. Today's a long one, too. Thursdays I'm usually beat from the late Wednesday evening "stuff".

Memory?

This whole forgetting thing is getting to be too much. I'm ok with forgetting where I am on the expressway. I only drive that route once a week and much of the time it's in the dark. I'm even ok with forgetting where I am in the supermarket. That's why there are signs. Forgetting why I'm at church, with that I'm NOT ok. I went to pick-up the kids from choir Sunday afternoon, but I though I was there to get them from their Wednesday night club. I was the one who took them to choir. Also there had been a fairly involved conversation about whether either child was going to church and the committments involved. So, when I find myself walking down the halls and I'm *certain* I'm there for a completely different reason -- that's NOT ok. That's disturbing.

I'm back to taking at least one nap each day. Sleeping in the recliner helps. Yesterday after about 30 minutes of nap, I still wanted to sleep more, but I needed to fix dinner. I was more mentally capable -- meaning I was able to evaluate the food we have, what I could make for dinner, plan how to accomplish it and then carry off the plan. Most nights I'm not capable of any part of that. Now that I write that down, it's scary. It sounds like a good reason to make a late afternoon nap in the recliner a part of the regular schedule. Being capable of fixing dinner is a good thing.

Working Through the Tired

A nap sounds perfect right about now. It sounds perfect except that I have stuff I want, perhaps even need, to get done. So, I'm working through it and trying to ignore it. The coffee isn't helping much, nor is the Diet Dew. Will power seems to be my best answer.

Odd Sleeps Last Night

Our feline kept waking me up with her loud meowing, but I still felt pretty good when I woke up just after 7:30am. It was delicious to turn off the alarm at 6 o'clock and go back to sleep.

Today I've not been especially tired. Isolating helps. No pressure helps.

Tomorrow is church. I'm usually exhaused by the time we get home in the afternoon.

Naps Abound

As best I can recall, I've taken 2-3 naps for the past few days. They've been anywhere from five or ten minutes to three-quarters of an hour. I've taken to sleeping in the recliner or sitting up on a sofa so I don't get too comfortable and sleep too long. If I lie down, I sleep an hour if not two and still don't feel awake afterward. I usually don't feel all that rested after just a bit of sleep, but it's not as bad as when I sleep longer.

These last few days it's been that my brain, as well as my body, needed some down time. I had no energy, and I simply couldn't think. I'd find myself standing in the kitchen having no idea what needed to be done next to clean up something. I feel that way more than I'd like to admit.

It's been a busy week, but I made it. I kept telling myself I just needed to make it to Friday evening and then I could rest. It helped a lot. I made it.

I can safely say that the Klonopin *is* helping with my mood, but does little, if anything, to help with the sleepiness. So, I *do* need to call the sleep doctor. It's not one of my favourite subjects.

My memory isn't improved, either, with the Klonopin. I forget I poured myself a cup of coffee and put it in the microwave, and remember only after I find it there hours later.

Adrenaline still helps to function. Our precious cat was diagnosed with inoperable cancer and euthanized today. Despite being tired and stressed-out, I was able to hold it together enough to get myself, and my distraught children, through it. A cat nap (in honor of our furry friend) was definitely in order while the children watched an educational television program.

Body spasms have resumed when I relax. They can be anything from an arm or leg to my back which seems to effect my whole torso.

One last thing: Nasonex definitely helps. I can literally feel it enlarge my breathing passages. Breathing is easier after using Nasonex.

Evening Naps

I've started needing a nap around 7pm. If I don't take one, I'm asleep around 8:30pm. Otherwise, I'm asleep between 10 and 11 o'clock at night.

As we enter the school year with more committments, I can feel the tiredness increase. I hadn't anticipated it. Much of the time I have no energy, but can usually push my way through until sometime around 1pm. Then, I'm done; or, at least, I need some down time if not a nap.

Mornings are still hard.

More truly odd dreams

Yesterday I was exhausted all morning. I have a hard time describing what it feels like. I had no energy. Moving, or even thinking, took a lot of effort. I don't know that I'd describe it as being sleepy. What I really wanted to do was sit or lie down and be able to close my eyes. When I feel like this and I'm able to sit/lie and close my eyes, I go to sleep. Sometimes when I wake-up I feel better, sometimes not.

Lots of coffee is helping me again, today. I made coffee yesterday morning, but forgot to actually add ground coffee to the pot. It took me forever, too, to get it done. I have so much trouble remembering what I'm doing, so I get side tracked easily. It took me until nearly 3:30pm until I made an actual pot of coffee. The difference after just one cup was amazing. It didn't last long, though. By 8 o'clock at night I was ready to sleep, even though I'd had more than a cup of coffee after 5 o'clock.

The odd dreams are still happening, too. I can usually remember them when I wake up, but not for long. This morning while in the waking-up process, I re-fell asleep for what could only have been a second or two and then woke up from one of the odd dreams and had to ask my spouse if he's said something that I'm sure was completely bizarre. He prefaced his next comment with, "This is me, and..." I'm entirely puzzled about where these truly odd dreams are coming from. I'm ready for them to stop, though.

Tired all day yesterday

I kept going most of the day despite being *really* tired. By 1:30 I NEEDED a nap. I only had an hour before we had to leave for the gym. I felt better, though not entirely rested. By the time we got back from the gym, I needed another nap.

I overflowed the sink again, today.

I am passed being sick and tired of not having a short-term memory. Thankfully the sink is a side-by-side, so there was some place for the overflow to go other than on the counter and floor. One of these days, I'm afraid the outcome won't be as harmless.

I've figured out that more than a glass or two of diet Dr. Pepper or iced tea make me feel jittery and generally worse. Diet Mountain Dew doesn't seem to do the same thing, though.

I'm still putting off calling the sleep doctor.

Sunday I had another nap after church, but I was able to stay awake for lunch. I do think there's a connection between adrenaline and needing naps.

Tired Again, Tea Helps

This morning wasn't any easier, but two glasses of rather strong iced tea (minus the ice, of course) have helped. As long as I have something in my stomach, tea seems the best helper for staying awake. I've been fairly productive without the stuttering or being easily overwhelmed, although either could very well happen at any moment given the right circumstances. I feel rather like I'm on the edge. I'm OK now, but too much more and I'm overwhelmed. At least, thus far I've not had that "too much".

No Klonopin Tuesday Night

I ran out and my memory bit me (again).

Wednesday morning, I was terribly sleepy and slept in until 8:30am. I was asleep again by 9:30. I just couldn't keep my eyes open. I napped at least one other time during the day. I was shocked just how tired I felt. I stuttered a lot, too, something that I haven't done very much in at least a month. It seems obvious that the emotional component to the Klonopin is a valuable one. I certainly didn't feel as "bright" as I had in the preceding days. By Wednesday night, I felt nervous and jittery from the caffeine, but my body felt so whipped it was hard to move, or even think. I hate that feeling.

My reaction to Wednesday probably isn't helped by the fact that Tuesday was such a great day. I felt...alive, in every way. If every day was like that.....Wow! Yes, please.

Last night (Wednesday) was filled with lots of odd and disturbing dreams. They weren't nightmares, but definitely disturbing. Many bad things happened and I couldn't seem to have any positive impact on them. According to my spouse, I talked a lot in my sleep. As usual, it wasn't anything that made sense, but given my dreams, lots of talking would fit.

Today (Thursday), I was still very tired despite tea, soda pop, plenty of water, and trying to keep active. I took at least one nap, maybe more. My memory just isn't reliable. Hopefully, tonight will be more restful.

Sunny Day, Good Day

I have no idea whether the sunshine actually has anything to do with it. It seems to brighten my mood, though.

I took the Klonopin late last night, but slept well. I had the bulk of an ice coffee late, so it took me longer than normal to fall asleep. It was probably around 10 minutes, rather than the normal 3-5.

I did drink something different today. I indulged in some iced tea (doh) and that may have been some of the help being awake and energetic. By the time church was over this evening, I was definitely devoid of energy and sleepy.

Tired Yesterday, Tired Today

Yesterday was one of those days when I start to do something and my body just wants to sit down. It doesn't matter where I sit, often it's on the floor of the kitchen, hallway, or wherever. Coffee didn't help, nor did making sure I was hydrated. Food didn't help either. Although my body was tired, my mind wanted stimulation. Still, I could have gone to sleep at any time. I didn't nap during the day, though.

Today's starting out the same way. I'm going on my second hour of being "awake" and my eyes still tend to fuzz-out. My comprehension is definitely much slower than normal. I want to go to back to sleep. Purposeful movement takes great effort at the same time I find some of my muscles are tense. My shoulders, predictably, are tense, but so are my feet and and legs.

Exhausted last night, ok this morning

By the time I made it home from church (7:30pm-ish), I was completely exhausted. Sometime around 9 o'clock, I woke up while the kids were getting to bed. I stayed up much too late, even though I was tired, trying to find some stupid useless information on the Internet. It was almost midnight before I got to bed *and* took the Klonopin. I feel fine this morning, although it took me a long time to become fully awake after the alarm went off at 6 o'clock.

Yesterday was pretty stressful with taking our cats to the veterinarian and finding out that there is likely some serious health problem. Then, we returned home, made sure the cats were settled, ate a quick lunch, headed back out to enroll the kids in activities, go get ice cream because the kids had behaved so well at the vets (a 1.5 hour appointment!), and finally church. It was especially difficult because despite at least a half dozen reminders the day before, and the day of, I still completely forgot about taking the cats to the vet until 20 minutes before the appointment. It takes 25-30 minutes to get there, and we weren't even dressed to go out, and we needed to find the cats and secure them in their cages for transport. Ugh. I hate running late.

Tired Morning

I'm not overly tired, but I'm not awake or well-rested even after getting up, dressing and moving around. It's definitely a coffee day. I took the Klonopin later last night, so that may be part of it. I can't seem to find a way to remember to take the Klonopin earlier in the evening. Remembering isn't exactly something I can do easily; it never has been for things like this, but it's definitely worse now. I find myself chanting things I need to do to remember them. Often I still don't remember them, but occasionally one of my children reminds me. For whatever reason, I can't remember to write things down, or if I do, I forget to refer to them later. My youngest child missed his swimming lessons because I completely forgot I signed him up for them. It's frustrating.

For over a month now, I've been unable to find any Vault Zero at the stores. It did seem to work well to help me be more alert, but not enough for me to drink the sugared version. The result is that I've switched to Diet Mountain Dew and I drink more coffee than before.

Good Morning

Saturday evening, I forgot to take the Klonopin. Sunday morning, it was difficult to wake-up. Sunday night (last night), I did take the Klonopin. This morning waking up was much easier. This is at least the third time the day after forgetting is much better. I'm nearing the end of my first refill, but have yet to call the sleep doctor.

Stabilized?

I seem to have reached an equilibrium. Tired when waking up. Better with a cup or two coffee. Exhausted around 1pm. If I nap, I'm "just overly tired" in the afternoon. Able to make it through the early evening. Thrilled when it's time to sleep for the night.

Recently went on a trip with youngest child. Woke around 7pm. Explored with young one. Asleep by 9 or 9:30pm. Stressed and very tired after three days.

Still not sure if Klonopin is helping.

Forgot

I forgot to take the Klonopin last evening. I can't tell the difference between yesterday morning and this morning except that I had more coffee today and I fell more awake and energetic.

I Expected More of a Difference

I can't tell any difference in my tiredness from yesterday. I'm puzzled.

Definitely More Tired

It hit later this morning. It hasn't been as bad as my worst times, but I've definitely been more tired. I tried an hour nap in the late morning, but I woke up not feeling any better.

Not Much of A Difference

I woke-up quite a bit more last night, but I'm not surprised at that. What does surprise me is that I don't feel much different this morning. That may change throughout the day. I'm still planning to get a refill on my script of Klonopin.

Tired but productive

Waking up was excruciatingly hard this morning. It was one of those times when I had crease lines everywhere because I'd been sleeping so hard and in one place so long.

The day was reasonably productive. I was tired most, if not all, of it, but I kept myself busy and wouldn't allow myself to spend too much time sitting down. Coffee definitely helped. I did fall asleep at lunch. It was more like I chose to stop fighting it because it was getting too difficult. I crossed my hands in front of me and put my forehead on my hands and slept.

It was one of those naps where I felt aware of everything that was happening/being said around me and yet I was also sleeping. It's hard to describe, really. It used to be the way I commonly napped, but it hasn't been that common lately. When I wake up, I'm aware sort-of in the back of my mind, what went on, but I can't recall it until someone mentions something that was discussed and then I can remember it. Like I said, it's hard to describe. To make this even more muddled, this same sort of thing happens to me when I play puzzle-type games like Sudoku, Solitaire or Bejeweled. While playing I have a tendency to tell myself/make-up a story. I don't say it out loud, I just think it. It often occurs that afterward that although I know I told myself a story, I can't recall anything about it. Nothing. It's a bizarre feeling.

I forgot to get a refill of my Klonopin today, so I have none this evening. I am tired now, though, so hopefully the habit-forming thing won't bite me in the butt tonight. If so, at least I have plenty of good reading material around. *grin*

Oh, I had one more thought. I often describe how I feel as tired, rather than sleepy. I've found that I'm not terribly good at recognising signals from my body. When I say tired, I mean my system wants me to stop doing whatever it is. Usually when I do this, I find that if I just sit then I'll fall asleep, even with the TV on, even talking to someone, even reading.

Unsure

I'm still unsure whether the Klonopin is doing any good. I may be a bit less sleepy/tired. It certainly isn't gone. Yesterday (Monday) in the mid-morning, I couldn't keep myself awake and wound up taking a nap on the sofa in the family room while the kids played loudly in the room. I slept for two hours. I'm usually a very light sleeper and would have trouble falling asleep under those condition. Staying asleep for two hours is definitely odd.

Motivated

Surprise company (and the accompanying fear/adrenaline) is a good motivator. That was the only reason it was a productive day. Other than that I had no energy. This is a common theme.

Not As Hard Waking-Up

I took the Klonopin early again last night. This morning it wasn't as hard to wake-up. I don't know whether to credit it to taking Klonopin early or the two hour nap I took yesterday afternoon.

It's been a hard week with lot of unusual stuff going on with workmen around all day every day. Just in general, my anxiety level has been raised. I'm ready for some calm.

No Energy

The title pretty much says it all. I've tried eating a bit, caffeine, and moving around. I'm not sure I can make it through the afternoon without a nap.

This is change of no longer having energy is disturbing. The only difference that I can tell (beyond the workmen) is that I finally received a refill of an SSRI last afternoon. I'll need to review the past few days to see if this lack of energy really did start with restarting this drug. I don't believe so. In fact, I believe I ran out of the SSRI after I started the Klonopin. I hope this isn't yet another drug that helps for a while and then becomes ineffective.

Ugh

Even after an afternoon nap, I was asleep again before 5:30pm. By that time, I was at the point of having absolutely no energy. I shuffled rather than walked. Concentration was impossible. I slept until 7:30pm and was asleep again by 10:30pm. Part of the sleepiness was certainly that my stomach didn't feel well. I think another part was having to deal with workman working on the house, the dog, and all the various complications.

This morning, I'm tired and sleepy (and my stomach hurts again). There won't be any workmen here today, so hopefully that will ease a bit of the stress. I've not had my coffee yet. Given the way my stomach feels, I'm not sure coffee is a good idea. We'll have to see.

Afternoon Nap

Awoke feeling rather slow from an hour plus nap. I do feel more rested, but not very capable. As usually happens, my legs had RLS-type symptoms as I was trying to fall asleep. This rarely happened before I started the first round of medications (Requip & Mirapex). This is something I definitely do not like.

Normally Difficult Morning, Yawning by 12:30p

It was a busy morning -- a good busy morning. I remembered coffee and it helped. Now that it's afternoon, though, I'm a bit done. My list of things that MUST be done before tomorrow is long. I'll need to find a way to fit a nap in somewhere before driving is required.

Evening Nap

After a busy day, I took an hour and a half nap after dinner. I don't anticipate it causing any problems with my normal nighttime sleeping. I took the Klonopin around 7:30p, and I'll take my decongestant just before I go to sleep. Hopefully that will allay some of the troubles with jumpy legs.

Hard Time Waking Up, Then Angry

I took the Klonopin around 9 o'clock last night along with my decongestant. My legs did feel a bit "jumpy" but certainly didn't keep me from falling asleep at 10:30pm.

I seemed to dream more than the usual amount last night. A few I had trouble figuring out whether they were dreams or whether they were real. It made for a hard morning to wake-up. It wasn't only being sleepy. I felt slow -- thinking felt hard and took a lot of uncomfortable effort.

I'm quite angry this morning. There is some "stuff" going on, but the anger is all out of proportion.

Memory-wise, I don't think things have improved. Several mornings I've felt sleepy (and tired) and remembered that other mornings I didn't feel that way. It seemed odd that there was such a difference. The thought that a cup or two of coffee was the reason never crossed my mind, even after spending time in the kitchen cooking or doing dishes. I have no idea how I didn't think of it.

Late Night w/ Liberal Imbibing

I forgot to take the Klonopin until 11:30pm yesterday. By that time I'd had several alcoholic beverages. It seems odd, but this morning I wasn't overly tired at all. In fact, I was less tired and had a much easier time getting ready for church. After church, however, it was the typical tiredness and a multiple hour nap (and no lunch).

Mixed Bag

I did take a nap on the day of the last post. It was less than 30 minutes and ended very abruptly with a phone call. I didn't feel any more rested afterward.

Yesterday found me very tired and sleepy by noon. It was a stressful morning, but notI tried to nap shortly afternoon but frequent, sporatic, intense itching kept waking me up. I changed clothes, tried a new pillow, changed location (bed to floor) but nothing helped. The itching persisted for the rest of the day. I have bruises and indications of broken blood vessles from me scratching. I still itch like this today. This isn't a new thing for me, but it hasn't been nearly this bad in close to a year.

After not being able to nap yesterday, I was an emotional wreck. I drank a lot of caffeine in the form of Diet Dew (more than a six-pack) and several cups (mugs) of coffee, even late into the night. I didn'thave any problem sleeping afterwards.

I haven't been particularly tired or sleepy today until now. I've not done much today, either.

Improvement Holds Steady

With this, I'm happy. The fact that the effectiveness of the medication has not seemed to diminish is comforting. I may not like the idea of taking Klonopin, but it certainly has improved my quality of life, even with the morning tiredness and necessity of coffee.

I do still tend to get very tired and feeling weak in the afternoon, but it's not as extreme. Today, I sat down around 2pm and realized just how tired I really was. I decided to punt on a few items on my checklist. The more I sit, the more I think taking a nap may happen. It's been several days since I've taken one, though.

My voice started to sound funny yesterday. At times my voice was little more than a whisper or a really, really squeaky, freaky sound. I may be getting a cold or it may be an increased need for the allergy medication that I've still not received from the mail-order pharmacy. The twice daily decongestant and Nasonex usually help with this sort of thing, but not right now.

Still Feeling More Awake, Active and Capable

All good things. There always seems to be a lot of work to do, too, however it doesn't seem as overwhelming as before. Due to various complications, I'm out of about half my normal medications and have been for the past week. Even with missing needed medications, I'm still able to function well. I'd definitely say Klonopin is helping. I do need to have a cup of coffee in the morning to start the day, but I don't require a constant stream of caffeine to make it through the day.

Well....

Sleep was restless last night: weird dreams, spouse's CPAP machine noises, unusual body pains and digestive issues. Oddly enough, I don't feel especially tired today. I do feel weak, though. I've only had one can of Diet Dew. Due to a bit of anxiety, it's been a fairly productive start of the day. We'll see if that backfires later in the day.

Coffee + Low Stress + a bit of alcohol + ?? = Good Day

There are too many variables to figure out what this means. Perhaps it's that coffee helps. Low stress certainly helps. I didn't sleep well; my spouse's feet moved a lot. My sleep was restless until I moved onto the floor. Factor in that I'm out of anti-anxiety and anti-depressent medication and it gets even more complicated. Hopefully the mail-order pharmacy will have my order filled in the next week or so.

Back to "Normal"

Tired, fighting to find the energy to get on with the day. This isn't drug hangover, it's the usual tired. The night's sleep seemed good in quality and length: from 10:30p until 6:30a. Busy day ahead.

Yesterday needed two one-hour plus naps. The tiredness was pretty much gone after the second -- the first was interrupted. None of it quelled the feelings of being overwhelmed.

Caffeine-wise, the sources have been soda-pop, mostly Diet Dew. Perhaps a better source would be coffee. During a busy week, it's easier to grap a soda than make a pot of coffee. Today seems like a good day to see if coffee makes a difference. It's needed.

Klonopin's impact on stressful, problematic days?

I can't tell any difference in tiredness or feeling weak, even after three cans of Diet Dew. It's now time for me to rest, perhaps even nap.

The Creek Rose

Figuratively, of course. Disturbing dream and the spousal reaction the next morning. Probably not so much singularly physical, tiredness-wise. Emotional stress has increased significantly.

No apparent side-effects from Klonopin or other medications having any play in it. It will be a good test day for how medication impacts stressful, problematic days.

Last night there was a certain amount of RLS-type symptoms. Still a very unusual thing. Perhaps caffeine in the form of soda pop too late at night. Muscle stretching seemed to help. Other than disturbing dream, sleep was uneventful.

I Can "Do" Busy Days

Both yesterday and today were quite busy. I made it through both without being exhausted or entirely overwhelmed. I can't remember the last time I was able to do two busy days back-to-back and not pay for it dearly. I have another fairly busy day tomorrow and I'm confident about being able to make it through without being exhausted -- God willing and the creek don't rise. ;) It seems like the Klonopin is working.

I still drink quite a bit of caffeine. I need to try a few "normal" days with less or even none, but I probably won't have a normal day for about a week.

Weird, disturbing dreams continue. Last night one was about a man from church who killed his two sons, aged 4 and 7, by burying them alive. He had the oldest boy dig the holes. The woman who played his wife in the dream is a church friend from up-north. Half of the dream was the build up to the boys being buried, the other half was the "wife's" reaction and having to deal with her sons' death.

Once I'm Awake,...

The Klonopin seems to be helping. I'm not sure whether the major benefit is in the emotional or physical realm, though. We haven't really had many "typical" days since I started taking it.

It is often much harder to wake-up in the morning, though. It can take quite a struggle. I continue to have very vivid and strange dreams, too, but thus far none have been terrifying. Most have been disturbing and very uncomfortable, but none of them have caused me to awaken screaming.

Klonopin Day Four, Decongestant

Given my spouse's report that I was snoring, I went back to taking my decongestant at night for the first time last evening. Normally my sleep is restless the first night on the decongestant after not having taken it for a while. By the next night it's not a problem. Last night, when taken in conjunction with the Klonopin, I had no difficulty sleeping last night. I do feel less congested, too. This combination is beginning to look like a plan.

The only misgiving I have right now is dependency. Klonopin is/can be habit forming. I hate the idea of being dependent on it to sleep. To me, it's a big problem.

Even so, I do feel good today. It's the second day in a row. I'm not ready to declare it an absolute success yet, since two days a cure don't make. It could be the start of an upturn.

Klonopin Day Three, Better

The excitement of Day One didn't return, but I do still feel positive and hopeful. Today was a productive day. There's no doubt three cups of coffee had something to do with that. Although it started later than I would have liked. I forgot to take the Klonopin until around 9pm. The drug hangover lasted until sometime around 8 o'clock in the morning. I would have slept longer, but children were in need.

One very odd thing: my spouse told me that I had been snoring this morning. "Sawing logs" was the term actually used. I haven't been taking my decongestant before bedtime to avoid the stimulant properties. Many nights I've also often forgotten to use Nasonex, a nasal spray. The difference in ability and ease to breath through my nose when I've taken the Nasonex is truly amazing.

Klonopin Day Two

It was after 9pm before I took the Klonopin last night. At 6 o'clock this morning I was still a bit groggy, but much less than yesterday. I'm not as positive and excited about the day as I was yesterday, which is disappointing.

Yesterday I could definitely feel a difference in my anxiety level. It was _much_ lower. I haven't felt anything close to that since I first started taking Lexapro a few years ago.

Klonopin Night One

Given previous experiences with the twelve hour rule, I took the Klonopin around 8 o'clock last evening. I never did fell all that sleepy, at least not more than normal. I can't tell any different with my sleep, per se, but I do feel mentally more awake and excited for the day. Physically, I do feel a sort of "hangover". It's not as bad as it was for previous medications, but it's still there. I'm doing my best to push past it. I'd hate to have to do it everyday, though. I'd like to think this is a side effect that will decrease or that the dosage could be tweaked.

Another Medication

The sleep doctors office called to tell me there going to have me try a new medication: Klonopin. I suppose I should have had the prescription my family doctor gave me filled. From what I've read about Klonopin, I very well may have another few weeks of being groggy and very tired ahead of me.

I've been very tired today. It's the same sort of tired that makes me feel weak.

Afternoon of Exhaustion

I was pretty tired this morning. Had it not been Father's Day, I might have opted to not push myself to go to church. But I did and all went well at church. I even had enough energy once we got home to eat lunch with the rest of the family -- something that usually doesn't happen.

After lunch, there were tools to be assembled (it *is* Father's Day!). I know I'm tired when rather than helping to assemble, I curl up on the cement floor next to the table saw and take a nap. Once I woke-up from that, I felt pretty good. It was only about a half hour, however, until I moved to the futon in the rec room. When I woke-up there I felt pretty good again and made my way into the house. Almost immediately I was tired to the point of not being able to sit up. It was the kind of tired, where lifting my arms requires much, too much effort. I went outside to see if fresh air would help (it took a vast amount of energy to walk the 12 feet out the back door). I didn't. I sat for an unknown period of time, slumped over, my chin on my chest. I'm sure I napped at least part of the time. By this time it was a bit after 5pm. I slept most of the afternoon and still didn't feel rested.

When I was sitting outside, I wondered if perhaps I needed some water. I pushed myself to go inside and had a glass of cold water from the refrigerator. It tasted good and it seemed like I was thirsty. I felt a little better afterwards, but I never really did feel physically strong or energetic, just not overwhelmingly sleep. It was more just physically tired and weak.

That's pretty much the way I've felt for the entire afternoon and evening. Even when I slept in the shop, I wasn't sleepy as much as I felt weak and tired. Things like problem solving are beyond me right now. Straightforward things I can do, but anything out of the norm and I'm useless.

I probably should make mention of the whole "perhaps I needed some water" comment. For the past few months, maybe 6-9 months, I've had difficulty noticing when my body needs something. There have been times when I needed to use the restroom and I didn't recognise it until I very much needed to go. Other times, I only noticed that I was uncomfortable but didn't know why until I tried to figure it out. The same sort of thing occurs with feeling thirsty. I don't seem to recognise it any longer. I feel discomfort and like I need something, but I have to stop and think to figure out what it is. At times, I've been uncomfortable for a half hour or so before I completely recognise it and know I need to stop and thing to find out what it is. It's a weird thing.

I should be going to sleep right now, but I'm not thrilled at the thought of how much time I've slept already today. I don't really want to lose more time to it. I'm not sure that I have much of a choice, though. I am thirsty now, so maybe a cup of water and to bed and I'll hope to feel better tomorrow morning.

Early to bed, complex dreams

I slept well. I did seem to wake-up quite a bit during the night. I had quite a few very complex dreams as well, but when I awoke they were obviously dreams.

Lots of Sleep, Still Tired

I went to bed before 10 o'clock last evening. At first, I kept waking up aware that I was dreaming. Eventually I slept better, but I still seemed to wake-up more than usual. When the alarm rang (for the second time) at 6:30am, I was dreaming. Waking-up was very difficult. I'd been having an unpleasant dream about my spouse's and my relationship. Sorting it all out was a challenge.

I called the sleep doctor yesterday afternoon to report back on the Requip. He was already gone for the day and won't be in until Monday, so I should get a call back then. To add a bit of complication, the doctor's nurse won't be there on Monday. She seemed to stress that if something happened and one of the other nurses that was supposed to be covering for her didn't call me, that I should call them. It was nice to feel that I matter. After years of feeling written off by doctors, it's a really good feeling.

Last night I expressed my concern to my spouse about going through all this medical stuff only to find out that the insurance company won't cover medication or procedures or whatever. It seems like a waste of time, and incredibly frustrating, if that's a likely outcome. I'd hate to know that there's something that might help, but our insurance won't allow it. My spouse is convinced there's a way around all of that if we look hard enough. I'm not so sure.

I drank quite a bit of Diet Dr. Pepper yesterday, a full two litre bottle. Afterward I had the same uncomfortable feeling in my legs and felt quite jittery. I think I've identified something I need to avoid. Thus far, coffee hasn't had the same effects. It's time for another cup.

Sleep is Good

Last night I was horribly tired, the kind where it's uncomfortable, if not painful, to stand up. I made a promise to myself to get to bed early.

This morning was nice. I was still tired, but it didn't take a Herculean effort to get out of bed. I was also careful about drinking any sort of caffeine (and drinking plenty of water) after dinner. Sleep is good.

I'm still "normally" tired today, but somehow it helps to know that I haven't been fighting sleep for the whole day. And, yeah, sunshine helps.

More Thoughts On Night-Time Caffeine

Last night wasn't the first that I've grabbed some caffeine on the way home from grocery shopping. Usually it's an vanilla ice coffee from McDonalds, but this last time I was so thirsty I wanted something more "wet", if that makes sense.

I've never had problems sleeping after an ice coffee, even an extra large one. The times I can remember having caffeine in the evening being a problem, it was always from soda pop, and diet soda pop at that. Generally the information about aspartame causing so many problems doesn't impress me and I hate the thought of jumping on the band wagon, but perhaps when it comes to sleeping there's something there. Now that I think about it, this isn't the first time I've had problems sleeping after drinking diet soda at night.

Rocking Myself to Sleep

Last night was grocery night. Half-way through the market, I started yawning. A lot. I wondered whether I was going to be able to finish my shopping and drive home. The whole thing came on so quickly.

I felt parched as well as tired so I stopped on the way home to get a large water and large Diet Coke at Micky D's. The water went down fairly quickly, the Diet Coke less so. I was still quite tired when I got home, but I managed to unload and put away the groceries -- with the help of my spouse, of course.

As tired as I was, sleeping was difficult. At first, I couldn't settle, then my legs started causing troubles. I think it was the Diet Coke. I've purposefully limited my caffeine in the evening recently. Finally I decided to rock in the rocking chair. It's quieter than the stationary bicycle. I discovered it's possible to rock myself to sleep. Of course, it doesn't last long. Rocking did help, though, to work-out my legs. I still ended up falling asleep kneeling to keep my legs stretched, but at least I was able to get some sleep. It was just after 2am when I was finally able to sleep normally. I'd started around 10pm.

This morning...I'm pooped. This afternoon will be busy. I think a restful morning is definitely in order.

Dream-filled night

Last night was one of those nights where I begin dreaming immediately -- and wake-up a lot. At first, it seemed like as soon as I fell asleep I started to dream and then suddenly I'd jerk awake. My spouse didn't notice and thought I was sound asleep. Apparently I didn't show any signs of being restless during the night either. I can't remember any specifics of the dreams, only that they were all pretty odd. None were nightmares or anything disturbing. When I got up (twice!) in the middle of the night to use the facilities, I was so tired it was hard to walk. My arms were dangling at my sides and my walk was more of a shuffle.

In the morning I felt like I'd spent the whole night struggling. It wasn't that I was sleepy, it was more physically tired. I've fought that feeling all day so far. Coffee seems to have helped some. I'm drinking plenty of water and I even ate some cereal for breakfast hoping that food would help with my energy level.

I just woke up from a nap. At first, I didn't feel any better, but now that I've had a chance to move around, I do feel better.

Ah, Sleep

After going to bed early, I feel my normal. I could easily go back to sleep even though I've been up for an hour.

Incredibly Tired

I slept well. I still feel like I'm sleep deprived, even though I slept eight hours. Perhaps this is an allergy thing.

Up Late Again

This time it wasn't on purpose. Still I was awake until sometime after 1am. I would fall asleep and then jerk myself awake and feel terrible like I needed to move my whole body. This is the same sort of thing that I experienced the night of my sleep study.

I've been exhausted all day. The tiredness is the kind where I feel unreal and like everything around me is unreal. It's hard to comprehend the things around me and I literally can't think straight. I literally forgot where I was going in the time it took to climb two steps -- that's not two flights of steps, just two _steps_.

It's odd that althought I've been drinking Diet Mountain Dew all day, I don't feel in the slightest bit anxious or jittery. Vault Zero does give me those kind of problems. I also don't feel as constantly thirsty when I drink the Mountain Dew. With the Vault, I need to focus on drinking lots and lots of water or my mouth gets very dry.

I should go to sleep early tonight. Between the NHL playoffs and my spouse's airplane being delayed to the point of entirely missing the connector, my night's rather busy. Hopefully the children won't awaken me before 7am.

Stayed Up Too Late

As expected, I payed for it this morning. I made note of the feeling of just not enough sleep. I think it's a different feeling than I normally experience in the morning.

Sleepy Morning

The morning was filled with feeling tired but awake then quickly progressing to very sleepy. The sunlight is very nice, just not helping.

More "Normal"

I'm back to my "normal". Very tired in the morning, caffeine's effect is limited, naps always sound good and adrenaline is the best thing to keep me awake. I have wondered whether the latter isn't a big part of the problem. Perhaps I became too used to infusions of adrenaline as a kid? Could it be that I don't function well today because my system grew used to having a higher than "normal" level? Perhaps without stress I just don't function, and with too much stress I lose it completely? I wonder if that's plausible.

Friday Was Another Not Bad Day; Saturday, too

I was "normally tired", as odd a phrase as that probably should be. It wasn't a very productive day, but stuff *did* get done. Sitting down taking mini-rests helped.

It seems like changing the furnace filters did make an impact on allergy affects. I'm experiencing less sinus troubles. I'm sure more frequent vacuuming, including running the vacuuming robots, is helping, too. Summer may be more productive simply because the air conditioning runs so much and therefore the air is more filtered. I can't remember if that was the case last year, but I seem to remember something like that. The sunlight certainly helps, too.

Last (Friday) night I had sleeping trouble. I was terribly antsy. I think I had some caffeine too late in the evening in a mixed drink. That should be easy enough to manage in the future.

This morning is going well. The air conditioning is running and the air *feels* good. I don't know how to describe it any differently. I seems easy to breathe; the air seems light and almost sweet. It's a beautiful sunny day, too.

A "Catch-Up" Day?

I was tired all of the day. I took a five minute nap sitting in a chair around 4pm while waiting/watching the children at sports practice. I felt surprisingly better afterward. Once home, I was able to stay awake until 6pm, then I took a 2 hour nap. It's now time to go to sleep for the evening. I hope tomorrow is a less tired day.

Back to "Normal"

Every time I woke-up this mornings, I had lines all over me. I never felt well-rested. I still don't. I'm on my second 16oz glass of water, hoping that and doing my best to psych myself up will help. I'm having limited success. I'm definitely fighting sleep.

Usually I feel best if I allow myself to sleep until I feel well-rested, but I'm trying to keep to a schedule. I allow for some "down-time" and/or naps in the afternoon. I've successfully kept to that schedule since Tuesday. Tuesday, I didn't nap, per se, but I did allow myself to get close while listening to some television with the children. I felt better afterward. Yesterday, I did nap. I don't remember whether I felt better afterward. I do remember it being *very* difficult waking up and getting myself going afterward. My guess is that means I didn't feel better. I did have a good evening, though, even making a "real" dinner.

The furnace filters were changed last evening. I wonder if I'll see any difference with respect to that, either with sneezing, a runny nose or maybe even tiredness. One of the filters is in my bedroom. I don't feel any more congested than normal, though.

This past week, I've had lots of very vivid and complex dreams. Sometimes I dream in the morning when I allow myself to go back to sleep. I have no idea if it makes any sense, but I think when this happens that I've awakened in the wrong part of a sleep cycle and I need to finish the cycle to feel better. I think I remember it helping to wait until I don't wake-up during dreaming. Given my memory troubles, though, I can't completely trust this.

I still haven't called the sleep doctor. Beyond not being thrilled about calling, I'm not thrilled at the prospect of trying yet another medication that causes, rather than solves, problems. I do need to call, however. It won't get the problem solved by not calling; calling might help.

A Pretty Good Day

Falling asleep last night was pain and RLS free. I think my legs are back to normal. Yay!

I slept in until 8 o'clock and felt pretty good, enough that I'd describe it as well rested. The sunny day helped, too. Sunlight makes a world of difference for me. The cool morning air helped, too. The day was very muggy, so I finally gave in mid-morning and turned on the air conditioning. I've felt much, much better, though not very energetic. I'm not sleepy, though.

My Own Personal Energy Crisis

I woke up around 6am again today. Since yesterday I became sleepy soon after waking, I decided to sleep in and see if that helped with energy. It didn't.

I just can't seem to find any help energy. Caffeine doesn't help. Nor does making sure I'm well hydrated, eating well, periodic resting. Cool outdoor air helped earlier in the day, but since cool doesn't exactly last very long, that ended around 10am. I have *so* much I want to do, even so I really have to push to make myself expend the energy, and then as soon as I slow down I feel just how tired I am. Finishing any task is hard.

It's nearly supper time. My hands and arms feel tingly. I have that plastic coating feeling again, too. I'm afraid I feel my legs starting to get funny feelings. I don't want to go there.

Some Results, SOP

I woke up just before sunrise this morning and I felt good. Going to bed at a reasonable time (10:30-ish), was a good thing. I dressed and prepared for the day. I spent some time on my balcony outdoors, breathing fresh air, stretching. I let the dog out. I felt great until I'd finished these tasks. Then, I was tired. Really tired. I napped for around an hour, woke-up and felt very tired for hours afterward.

Now, hours later, I'm not overly tired, but if I allow myself to stop and just sit, I am tired. I've eaten well today and concentrated on drinking plenty of water. Other than this morning's nap, I've not slept during the day.

I still haven't filled my script for klonopin. I want a few more days without additional medications that may very well make me even more tired. I'd like at least some life every now and then.

Still Looking for a Solution

I was up until 3am today fighting RLS symptoms; I had an 8:15 doctor's appointment. I think I may have found a stretch that works to help the discomfort in my knees. This evening will be an early night. I *need* to get more sleep.

Today's appointment was with my gp rather than the sleep doc. It was basically an update on what's going on with the sleep doctor. She gave me a prescription for clonopin to help with sleep until I can get in to see the sleep doctor. I've not had it filled, yet. I think I'll try again without anything and see. I may end up taking another vicodin tonight to get some sleep. I hope not.

I've only taken one nap today. I just couldn't stay awake without it. My goal is to go to sleep at 10pm to get a full night's sleep so I can have another productive day.

No Requip, Day 2

The RLS symptoms continued last night. After riding the bicycle and stretching, I decided to take a vicodin. I slept well. I don't feel well rested, though. I've been tired most of the day and even took a mini-nap about an hour after waking up. I'm ready for another one. My legs feel better today, although I can still feel they're not yet back to normal.

A Productive Day

I was surprisingly capable considering my lack of sleep last night. Every time I attempted to rest, the RLS symptoms returned. I hadn't anticipated that this might be a multi-day adjustment. Considering that it took two weeks to get to the 1mg dosage, I shouldn't be surprised.

I still didn't call the sleep doctor. I did have a lot to get done today, but had I wanted to do so, I could have found time to call. This is purposeful procrastination. And, why not? As I recall, the next step is something like Mirapex/Requip combined with some sort of sleeping pill. The idea of needing something to sleep is certainly not some place I really want to go. The prospect of trying drug after drug and going through various weaning processes, troublesome side effects, isn't very encouraging. Being sleepy all the time isn't acceptable, but so far, neither have any of the potential "helps".

Requip Weaning

Last night was tough. It was my first night without Requip. I'd been taking 1mg. The entire night I had very bad RLS symptoms. I was able to get some rest, but not much. Tylenol helped a bit. Riding my bicycle also helped. Eventually, I drank some alcohol. I played a lot of solitaire on my handheld in an attempt to be quiet and not wake my spouse.

I've not called the sleep doctor, yet. I anticipate problems. Requip isn't working for me and, frankly, I really don't want to try yet one more medication that causes me to be more tired or make my legs twitch. I'd rather just be my regular tired than feeling tired and fuzzy (or uncomfortable) from medication.

I'm pretty sure that's not going to be a popular opinion.

Twelve Hour Rule Worked Again

Taking the Requip at 6:30pm last night worked well for this morning. I wasn't groggy. The dull, plastic coating feeling remains, though. Having sung the praises of taking the Requip early, this evening I didn't remember (bad memory - grrrr) until 10 o'clock. I hate knowing ahead of time that I've blown it and tomorrow will be extra hard.

I slept for two hours after coming home from church. As usual, I didn't wait until after lunch, I just went directly upstairs and to sleep. I awoke rather suddenly when something fell nearby. After that I couldn't go back to sleep because my knees felt funny. They needed to move. RLS symptoms strike again. I got up, still a bit groggy, but it didn't last long.

I was able to spend several hours outside doing some light gardening. My landscaping is a mess. I just haven't the energy to keep up with it, so I'm paying for two years of insufficient maintenance. I've been careful not to overdo it.

Paying For Breaking the Twelve Hour Rule

I think there's a bit more to the twelve hour rule than I originally thought. I woke up three hours before the twelve hours was over and, now, four hours after the twelve hours I'm still tired. Of those four hours, I napped for two of them. I've gone outside and gotten some fresh air, played a bit with the dog, tried to do some brain puzzles, but I still feel slow and like I'm a few seconds behind reality. My arms feel heavy and I'm fighting sleep. Doing pretty much anything takes a lot of energy, even simply things like holding a cup of water. I've heard the term "drug hangover". I think that's what this is. Then again, I have experienced this before taking either the Requip or the Mirapex. This has been a "symptom" for nearly 10 years. It is nearly guaranteed, though, when I take the Requip later.

I'm dull, groggy -- it's that whole plastic coated feeling again. At least yesterday I had some time between waking up and the plastic coated feeling when I wasn't tired and/or groggy.

I've had one cup of coffee, 2 litres of Diet Dr. Pepper and 32 oz of water, so both my water and caffeine intake shouldn't be causing the tired feelings.

I have stuff I WANT to do. LOTS of it. I know that if I start something feeling like this, I'm likely to have to quit part way through -- and after I have stuff spread out -- because I'm too tired. I also have some "brain stuff" to do, but this plastic coating makes it impossible for me to be confident I'm not making some really stupid mistake. Having done just that, I just don't feel competent to do anything too important.

Who Dreams About Laundry??

Apparently, I do.

I found myself staring in my dresser drawer, not believing what I saw, or rather, what I didn't see. I didn't see the laundry that I clearly remember putting in there. Clearly. Very clearly.

So what do I make of this? I must have dreamt it. It's not the first time I've confused dreams with reality. I've had to ask my spouse whether what I remember is fact or dream before. It's crazy-making. How do I make plans, decisions? On what can I base them, if I can't trust my memory for simple things such as putting clean laundry in my dresser?

Dull

I'm looking for the right term to describe how I feel right now. It's the common feeling the day after taking Requip (and it's the same as with Mirapex).

I feel....dull, plastic coated, like I'm not quite here able to put everything together and think things through completely. When I get ready to do something, I always feel like I'm forgetting something. It's like I can't quite put "it" (whatever I'm doing) all together. It's not really detached. It's like I'm not quite all the way in reality, like I'm not interacting with reality, there's some sort of barrier there. Ugh, plastic coated is the best I can get. I feel like I have to fight through that coating to get to reality. It's not exactly a pleasant feeling.

I'm looking for the words before I call the sleep doctor. Or rather, his nurse. I want to get the words right so she doesn't recommend a higher dosage or a prescription to give it a bit more of a try. I think the last time, when I tried to tell her that the Mirapex made me much more restless than normal, that I failed and she thought I was still having problems with RLS.

Communicating certainly isn't made easier by this feeling of plastic coating.

The Twelve Hour Rule

I took Requip at 8 o'clock last night. I would have taken it at 6 o'clock, but one of the kids had a ballet recital last night and I didn't want to drive after taking the Requip. It hasn't caused me to be overly drowsy (until the next morning), but I didn't want to take any chances until I have more experience with it. Unlike yesterday morning where I felt awake by 7 o'clock, today 7 o'clock found me very drowsy. Now I'm "just" very groggy. It seems I need to take Requip at least twelve hours before I need to be awake.

I still have yet to call the sleep doctor. It seems I'm tolerating the Requip well; HOWEVER, it's not helping me feel less sleepy. Is that a success?? If so, it seems a rather pointless one.

I made it through yesterday without a nap, although there were several times I very much wanted to nap. I hadn't used much caffeine in the last few days (despite remembering when I blogged, I'd forgotten by the time I made it to the kitchen), so two cups of coffee helped when I felt tired.

I didn't experience any RLS symptoms yesterday, despite being sleepy. That's a definite improvement. I wonder if the caffeine has anything to do with it.

D-Day for Requip

I'm not as groggy or tired/sleepy as I have been the past two days. If the grogginess or tiredness/sleepiness shows up this morning, it's hit my threshold for "not tolerating well". I have yet to determine what else might fall under that umbrella.

I'd like to think that the medication not helping me be less tired/sleepy will enter into the equation when I call the doctor -- either to say I'm not tolerating Requip well or to ask for a prescription. It's so odd to be contemplating how to contact the doctor regarding a medication that been diagnosed to help a problem that no one notices while ignoring a big problem that obviously impacts my daily life and has for years. Make that decades. Ugh.

Super Tired

I tend to get angry easily when very tired and that's what's happening now. I've become very angry over little things that normally wouldn't bother me.

I took a 1.5 hour nap around 11a and another 1.5 hour nap around 2:30p. I could, maybe even should, take another nap now. I won't because of past experience with early evening naps making it hard to sleep at night.

I took my Requip just after 6p tonight. I'm hoping the effects will be more out of my system in the morning. I've slept much of the past two mornings. I very much would like to get some things done.

1mg Requip Day 2 and Still Groggy

I'm not as groggy and sleepy as yesterday, but it's still pronounced. We're running low on highly caffeinated soda, so today will be a coffee day.

I noticed yesterday that my back ached. It wasn't a big deal, just slightly, but it was there. I was pretty slow the whole day. It was a day that driving wouldn't have been a good idea.

I didn't experience any RLS symptoms last night before sleep. I didn't have any jitters anywhere else, either.

It's a whine and completely off-topic: I've fought through tiredness for so many years.....it's hard to convince myself that there's any meaning in fighting through even more tiredness, that I shouldn't just give up, sit down, and let life happen around me, without me if need be.

The Tired Finally Hit

With several hours of naps behind me, I'm groggy and fighting sleeping more. I have lines all over me from where I slept in the same position for a long time. So much for getting my list done today. Even if I did have the energy, the brain fuzz has put me in extra slow mode.

Not As Tired As I Could Be

A issue that needed immediate attention woke me this morning. I probably would have naturally slept longer. That's life. I'll likely take a bit of a nap, maybe two, later. I'm still pretty tired, but I have much too much I want to do today to lose much time to sleeping. Or, so the theory goes.

Bad planning had me taking the 1mg Requip dose just before midnight last night. I have no idea what time I made it to sleep. I spent some time, maybe a half hour, riding my stationary bicycle to get rid of the RLS feelings. With the Requip, the feelings are mostly in my knees and the muscles on the front side of my legs below my knees. The bicycle helps very well. I seem to be able to rest well while doing it, too. It doesn't seem to pump me up to the point where it makes it more difficult to sleep either. Perhaps riding should become part of my nightly routine?

Another Normal Morning

Mornings are pretty good as long as I can sleep until my body says it's time to wake-up. Any earlier, and I'm groggy and in a fog. That's pretty much the way it was before the Requip. I slept this morning until I woke-up naturally. I didn't need a nap today *and* I was able to keep busy. Today was actually a reasonably productive day.

Tonight I take the next increased dose, going to 1mg of Requip. If this dosage increase is anything like the previous ones, tomorrow will be a very sleepy and sleep-filled day. I hope not.

I don't look forward to finding out just how much a 90 day prescription to Requip is going to cost. I'm paying close to $500 for 90 days of all The Other Stuff the doctors have me taking. With Requip being new, I anticipate it won't be cheap or available as a generic. Ugh.

I Can't See That Anything's Changed

Thankfully I wasn't as groggy this morning, but neither was I anywhere near easily awake, either. Also thankfully, most of the feeling like I'm coated in plastic, and having to fight through it to experience reality, has left. It leaves me.....feeling like I did before I started this whole medication roller coaster. I was still excessively tired around midday and needed a nap. After about 45 minutes, when I needed to get up, it was hard to get up and I've been very sleepy since.

There is one noticeable change: whenever I get tired and I know I need to nap, my legs start to get restless. I think I've identified a medication to *give* myself RLS.

I'm ready to say I can tolerate this medication and the now daily RLS if it will get us on to the next stage of really trying to fix my EDS.

Groggy then Tired

The title says it all. I took my Requip around 9:30pm last evening due to night-time events. Multiple cups of coffee and a 2L of Diet Dr. Pepper -- we're all out of Vault. I am starting to feel a bit jittery. Were it not for severe weather, I'd be taking a nap.

Day 4 of Requip - More Awake

I feel ok this morning, no more unshakable grogginess. That's definitely A Good Thing.

When I was going to sleep last night, my eyelids felt like they were twitching and flickering. The movement was entirely uncontrollable. The only way I could stop it was to open my eyes. It was very uncomfortable and disturbing. While my eyes were closed, lights and bright images flashed. Thankfully, it didn't last long. I hope it's not a normal feature of falling asleep.

I still experience unfamilar RLS feeling in my arms and legs, sometimes during the day, and each night. They're not terrible, only mildly annoying.

Day 3 of Requip

Last night was the first 0.5mg pill. As with the first dose, I couldn't sleep until hours after I took it. It just so happened that the kids had a skating party in the evening where I was needed to drive. As I picked them up, a tornado warning was issued. Since I wasn't sure what to expect -- whether I was going to be tired or jittery or something else entirely -- I waited until after the weather quieted down. It was 9:45. I was awake until after 1am (again). When I did sleep, it was restless.

So far, today has been a day of being very tired and having no choice but to nap. Again.

One more side-effect has been my legs, and to a lesser extent my arms, feeling "funny". It's almost like a constant mild case of RLS in both arms and legs. My left knee was sore last night, too. My back doesn't hurt as bad, but it does feel sort-of "funny" in the same way my arms and legs do.

Day 2 of Requip

I'm not as foggy as I was with the Mirapex, but I'm still somewhat out of it. I feel like I'm drugged. I'm slow and generally weak. I don't think I'll be as sleepy today.

My back started hurting a few days ago. I'm not sure what it's from. I've not done that much that should stress or strain it lately.

I did sleep well last night, though. I only remember waking-up once and that was to use the bathroom.

Lost Day

I slept most of the day. The rest of the day I was groggy beyond being able to do anything. Anything. Thankfully the kids are able to fix their own meals, even the mental part was beyond me. I could only sit and stare and use my computer a bit but not really do anything useful because of the brain fog. Mostly, though, I slept. It didn't even occur to me until sometime around 2pm that drinking caffeine might help me wake-up.

Tonight I took the Requip around 7:45p, hoping to sleep before midnight. I have a hard time believing it could be much worse than last night, so I'm hopeful. I need to have a better day tomorrow, too. If it's not, I'm not sure whether to try one more night before calling the doctor. I'm not really sure what constitutes "not tolerating well".

Ugh

Last night was not a good night. Perhaps it was family stuff, or a long day or the Requip. Whatever it was, I was restless and jittery until sometime after 1am. Both my arms and my legs were restless. I was in a very poor mood, too, but that was likely due to other stuff. This morning, I'm slow and feel in a bit of a fog, although not as bad as with the Mirapex. I had some pretty wild dreams, too.

It's past time to wake-up, but all I want to do is go back to sleep. I can't remember if staying awake until 1am usually causes me to feel this way in the morning. Memory problems are annoying.

I certainly didn't help that my spouse worked late, arriving home after 10pm. When that happens, he's guaranteed to move and bounce a lot in his sleep. I couldn't stay in bed. Every time he'd move -- at least once every minute -- my arms and legs would feel like they HAD to move. First I tried the sofa without success. Then I tried the spare bed. Then, back to the sofa. Finally I watched TV until I could go to sleep. I woke-up in a weird position on the loveseat and moved to the sofa where my youngest child woke me just after 6am.

So far, today feels like a day that will require at least one long nap. I'm fighting to stay awake as it is.

Disappointing Appointment

I never would have guessed the outcome of the sleep doctor appointment. New Drug. Requip. It's supposed to be similar to Mirapex, but different enough that I need to try it. So, I have a two week sample to try. At least I know now I can call the doctor if I don't tolerate it well. I also know that I'll need to try at least four more medications to treat my "excessive myoclonus" -- my feet twitching, possibly RLS. I wasn't ready for the outlook of trying multiple weeks of multiple drugs in hopes that one will work. Perhaps I should review my notes/blog from the first sleep doctor appointment. I might have just forgotten that that was the plan.

I am very, very doubtful that the leg twitching is the problem. No one has ever told me that I move my legs when I sleep. If I remember correctly, the sleep doctor said that it was slight -- even so, it's deemed "excessive".

The whole appointment and outlook has me pretty discouraged. I'm looking at months of trying drugs that, in my uneducated opinion, are treating something that isn't the problem. Perhaps it's what the insurance company requires give my sleep study results. It still means, from my point of view, that I will spend multiple months ingesting medications that aren't addressing the problem. It's frustrating. Despite that, apparently there's no alternative.

So, tonight is my first night of a two week course of Requip. I've not read the information yet, so I have no idea what to expect. I hope it doesn't cause me the same troubles Mirapex did with restlessness and frequent night waking.

I am very close to bagging the whole thing and just living with the sleepiness. With the Mirapex only making the sleepiness worse, the last thing I want to do is spend months making my life harder. Increasing misery is a stupid idea. Better to live with the sleepiness that I have, than see how many ways I can make it worse.

Normal Evening Medications

Last night before bed I took my normal evening medications, including the decongestant with the stimulant. Asleep before 10pm and awake at 6am, predictably I feel a normal amount of tired, the amount of tired I assume most people awaken feeling. I do admit, though, I have no idea whether I'm anywhere close to correct on this. I do know that it helps when I have beautiful sunlight streaming in my bedroom windows.

This morning I have an appointment with the sleep doctor. I'm not sure what to expect from this appointment. I am still hesitant about stopping the Mirapex before seeing him again, though. It's effect really were messing with my daily life; I hope he's understanding. Thankfully, he does appear to be very understanding.

Normally, I 'd have some caffeine this morning, but I'm not sure whether I'm better off not having any. I'd be more alert and able to effective interact with it (obviously), but I'd be more "me" without it and that might be better for him to see. I'll decide after my shower.

A Very Typical Sunday

It starts out as any typical morning, I awake tired, having to struggle to get out of bed. I get out of bed and start on my day. Every Sunday I seriously contemplate not going to church. It's not that I don't want to go to church. It's that it seems like SO much work, even with my spouse doing the lion's share of helping the kids get ready. It's times like this that King David's reply to a man, whose field he is attempting to buy to build an altar to the LORD, comes in handy:

But the king replied to Araunah, "No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing."

2 Samuel 24:24

Like most Sunday mornings, this gives me the strength I need to continue. I drink a highly caffeinated drink on the way to church and a cup of coffee in Sunday School and by the time the church service is ready to start, I'm tired. I successfully stay awake -- it holds my interest and when that's not enough, I do what I can. I melt once I reach our car and drag myself into the house for a nap when I get home, feeling guilty the whole time because my spouse is left to fix lunch. I wake-up one to two (plus) hours later. Yep, a typical Sunday.

Here I sit, after waking from an hour and a half of nap, spending an hour trimming bushes (not strenuously), and then driving my children to choir practice, and I'm tired, fighting to stay awake. Hopefully the large cup of coffee next to me (and the highly caffeinated drink I consumed on the way to church, and the highly caffeinated drink I plan to consume after the coffee is gone) will tide me through until I make it home. I have no idea whether I'll need to collapse and/or nap at that time.

This is so much better than when I was taking Mirapex, but the joy in the thought that it could be worse is waning. I hate the thought of wanting stimulants. I just want a life where I don't have to plan every activity around when I need to nap.

Mirapex Mistake

Last night was a late night, and as often happens, my legs got that crawly, gotta move, gotta stretch feeling that the sleep doctor told me is RLS. Normally I solve the problem by stretching my calf muscles as much as I can -- basically until it hurts -- and after one or more sessions of this, it goes away completely or at least enough that I can sleep. Last night, however, I decided to take a Mirapex since I was supposed to be taking them to help with that very thing. It was a mistake.

I've been groggy the whole day. I've napped twice and still felt heavy and thick when I woke up. It was a considerable chore to get myself up. The Mirapex definitely is NOT helping.

It was a good learning experience, but I've lost another day.

Second Day Without Mirapex

I'm still tired. I still have to push to get anything done. I still need to drink lots of caffeine. BUT, I didn't lose my whole day, first to grogginess and then to being exhausted. I now have a perspective that there *is* something worse. It's oddly comforting -- even when I'm having to fight not to nap.

Getting something *I* wanted to do yesterday helps. The sunshine after several cloudy days does, too.

Oops

I was wrong about taking the Mirapex before my 8pm crash. I didn't take it. Yesterday, I felt great. I had energy. I even did some twilight gardening. So, last night my spouse talked me into not taking it again. I see the sleep doctor next Monday and given the dramatic difference I saw....just wow. I don't feel as awake this morning, but no where nearly as groggy and fuzzy as I did with the Mirapex.

I am more than just a bit concerned about the sleep doctor's reaction to my stopping the Mirapex. I'd rather not be seen as a non-compliant patient.

I Think I Caught Up on My Sleep!

Of course, I went to sleep just after 8 o'clock last evening and didn't wake-up until after 6 o'clock this morning. It's ten hours sleep. Another way of looking at it, though, is it's only ten hours sleep. I was expecting to have to get twelve to feel well rested. The way I look at it, I have a bonus of two hours today!

I did take my Mirapex last night just before literally crashing. No dinner, no good-nights to my children or spouse, just a crash.

I have no idea what to expect from today. I'd like to think it'll be a wide awake, no naps needed day. That might be a bit much to expect, but I'm open to being pleasantly surprised.

Groggy. And Frustrated.

Another morning of feeling thick and groggy. This morning, though, I'm frustrated by the time I finally was able to wake-up. I'm frustrated by feeling like I'm living in a fog. I'm frustrated that I'm so tired, it's hard to lift my arms. I'm so frustrated that the muscles in my face are twitching. That just feeds the frustration.

Last night was another night of lots of dreams. Bizzare dreams. In fact, this morning when I normally would (and should) wake-up, I was in the middle of a dream cycle. I'd close my eyes for just a few seconds and I'd be asleep and dreaming. Some of the dreams I had would start out by me asking myself a question and then me answering the question, except I didn't really answer it, I responded by talking about something else entirely.

It was a morning, too, when my spouse would wake me up frequently by moving around or hugging or touching me. On a groggy morning when I'm in a dream cycle, it makes for a very hard morning. That is definitely where I am now.

I took my Mirapex much too late, after 11:00pm after watching a recorded program on the TV. I was very tired by the time I made it to bed. I can't seem to remember to take the Mirapex earlier. The directions suggest 2-3 hours before bedtime; my sleep doctor's instructions are to take at bedtime, but that seems to have too much of an impact on my mornings.

It's about a week until I see the sleep doctor again. I hope, hope, hope that he says I can stop taking Mirapex. It's making me more tired, at least in the mornings, and I don't see any positive effects during the rest of the day. I am ready to be disappointed, too. It's been so long. It's hard to believe that this might actually end some day.

A Pretty Normal Day

Yep, I'm tired. I've had only two cups of coffee today, but I've stayed awake the whole day. I've not been good for very much today, though. My concentration is nil, my comprehension a joke. I couldn't even figure out how to fold the surprise toy in the Cracker Jacks! I had to stop and think how to take the baking sheet of fish sticks out of the oven. But, I stayed awake.

After a late evening at a concert last night, and taking my Mirapex late, this morning was a grog-fest. I've gotten so very little done. It seems everywhere I look I see stuff that needs to be done, but I either haven't the physical energy, or the mental energy, to do them. Based on past experience, there will come a day when I have both. I hope that day will come very soon.

Recovery from A Busy Week?

That's what I'm chalking it up to. And hoping. After a cup of coffee and two Vaults, I was in Slow Walk Mode. It's better than Shuffle Mode. I listened to the sermon on the radio in the car. At least, I listened to part of it before I fell asleep. I've really enjoyed/learned/benefited a lot from the pastor's current series on Romans. I very much wanted to hear today's message.

On the way home, I drank another Vault. Once home, I went directly upstairs and napped for two hours. I'm still tired, but I need to be awake some of today. Hopefully I can catch-up on some sleep and get back on track this next week.

I'm to the place where I very much want to figure out how to get rid of this sleepiness. I don't know that I've really been here before. I've been to this point of constant tiredness/sleepiness before, but I didn't think anything could be done so I just plodded along. I've had enough of missing so much of life. Of course, there's always the possibility that there's not a lot that can be done, but given past experience with stimulants I think there probably is an answer, even if it's drugging myself awake. In truth, that's what I've been doing so far with caffeine. It's just that caffeine has become ineffective and now I probably need something stronger. It strikes me that perhaps if I went off caffeine for a while, to let my system reset, caffeine might become more effective again. I'd even be willing to try that if I could find a way to plod through a few days without being sentient.

One more thing I probably should record is the weird jumping/twitching/jerking/whatever I found myself doing toward the end of my nap after church. It wasn't an RLS thing, it was more a jerking like happens when I suddenly awaken with the sensation of falling, except minus the sensation.

Night-time Waking

Several nights ago, I noticed that I'm waking up much more in the middle of the night. I seem to see nearly every hour, sometimes more than once. Because of all the activity around the house in the past week, I can't tell if I'm more tired than normal or more tired than before I started the Mirapex, but it doesn't seem like it.

When I wake-up in the middle of the night, I feel completely awake and not in the slightest bit drowsy. It's not like restlessness; I don't feel like I'm tossing and turning. I can't remember any dreams that brought on the wakening, or any other reason why I might have awoken. Usually, I look at the clock, often try to remember when the last time that I looked at it was, perhaps calculate how long it's been and then lie back down. I seem to go back to sleep fairly easily, although not necessarily immediately. I don't remember whether this is something I commonly experienced before the Mirapex, but it seems like there were times I did, though not always. Having the memory of a mentally challenged gnat is annoying.

This past week, I used a lot of caffeine, drinking multiple cups of coffee and approximately six cans of Vault every day. I still needed at least one daily nap. I'm looking forward to a standard week to measure against.