Every so often I contemplate that, for most of my life, I've been tired when I woke up. As stupid as it may sound, I'm tired of it. Having to fight tiredness for years and years gets to me. Giving in becomes tempting. Very tempting.
It doesn't help that my experiences seem to be not uncommon. I've read enough posting on message boards or other blogs to see that I'm not alone by a long shot. There seem to be a lot of very tired and very sleepy people "out there". A fair number of them, like me, have tried numerous solutions to no avail. A future of fighting to keep myself moving is discouraging. It may seem obvious, but I don't like pushing myself to keep going when I'm exhausted or sleepy. I especially don't like that it's a daily thing and has been for years. (Am I repeating myself?)
This sounds too much like whining. In a way, it was better NOT to know that most people don't normally have to constantly push themselves because they're tired and/or sleepy. I now know that, in theory, it doesn't have to be this way -- unless, of course, it does because this is just something with which I have to live. That last bit seems convoluted, but I know what I'm trying to say.
While I'm ranting, it also bugs me that my less than normal upbringing may play a part in this. I think it most likely does. Constant anxiety is tiring. Hyper-vigilance is tiring. It's too bad there isn't a switch to turn off such things.
Who knows, maybe this will help me gather the hope and "guts" to call the sleep doctor.
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