Well....

Sleep was restless last night: weird dreams, spouse's CPAP machine noises, unusual body pains and digestive issues. Oddly enough, I don't feel especially tired today. I do feel weak, though. I've only had one can of Diet Dew. Due to a bit of anxiety, it's been a fairly productive start of the day. We'll see if that backfires later in the day.

Coffee + Low Stress + a bit of alcohol + ?? = Good Day

There are too many variables to figure out what this means. Perhaps it's that coffee helps. Low stress certainly helps. I didn't sleep well; my spouse's feet moved a lot. My sleep was restless until I moved onto the floor. Factor in that I'm out of anti-anxiety and anti-depressent medication and it gets even more complicated. Hopefully the mail-order pharmacy will have my order filled in the next week or so.

Back to "Normal"

Tired, fighting to find the energy to get on with the day. This isn't drug hangover, it's the usual tired. The night's sleep seemed good in quality and length: from 10:30p until 6:30a. Busy day ahead.

Yesterday needed two one-hour plus naps. The tiredness was pretty much gone after the second -- the first was interrupted. None of it quelled the feelings of being overwhelmed.

Caffeine-wise, the sources have been soda-pop, mostly Diet Dew. Perhaps a better source would be coffee. During a busy week, it's easier to grap a soda than make a pot of coffee. Today seems like a good day to see if coffee makes a difference. It's needed.

Klonopin's impact on stressful, problematic days?

I can't tell any difference in tiredness or feeling weak, even after three cans of Diet Dew. It's now time for me to rest, perhaps even nap.

The Creek Rose

Figuratively, of course. Disturbing dream and the spousal reaction the next morning. Probably not so much singularly physical, tiredness-wise. Emotional stress has increased significantly.

No apparent side-effects from Klonopin or other medications having any play in it. It will be a good test day for how medication impacts stressful, problematic days.

Last night there was a certain amount of RLS-type symptoms. Still a very unusual thing. Perhaps caffeine in the form of soda pop too late at night. Muscle stretching seemed to help. Other than disturbing dream, sleep was uneventful.

I Can "Do" Busy Days

Both yesterday and today were quite busy. I made it through both without being exhausted or entirely overwhelmed. I can't remember the last time I was able to do two busy days back-to-back and not pay for it dearly. I have another fairly busy day tomorrow and I'm confident about being able to make it through without being exhausted -- God willing and the creek don't rise. ;) It seems like the Klonopin is working.

I still drink quite a bit of caffeine. I need to try a few "normal" days with less or even none, but I probably won't have a normal day for about a week.

Weird, disturbing dreams continue. Last night one was about a man from church who killed his two sons, aged 4 and 7, by burying them alive. He had the oldest boy dig the holes. The woman who played his wife in the dream is a church friend from up-north. Half of the dream was the build up to the boys being buried, the other half was the "wife's" reaction and having to deal with her sons' death.

Once I'm Awake,...

The Klonopin seems to be helping. I'm not sure whether the major benefit is in the emotional or physical realm, though. We haven't really had many "typical" days since I started taking it.

It is often much harder to wake-up in the morning, though. It can take quite a struggle. I continue to have very vivid and strange dreams, too, but thus far none have been terrifying. Most have been disturbing and very uncomfortable, but none of them have caused me to awaken screaming.

Klonopin Day Four, Decongestant

Given my spouse's report that I was snoring, I went back to taking my decongestant at night for the first time last evening. Normally my sleep is restless the first night on the decongestant after not having taken it for a while. By the next night it's not a problem. Last night, when taken in conjunction with the Klonopin, I had no difficulty sleeping last night. I do feel less congested, too. This combination is beginning to look like a plan.

The only misgiving I have right now is dependency. Klonopin is/can be habit forming. I hate the idea of being dependent on it to sleep. To me, it's a big problem.

Even so, I do feel good today. It's the second day in a row. I'm not ready to declare it an absolute success yet, since two days a cure don't make. It could be the start of an upturn.

Klonopin Day Three, Better

The excitement of Day One didn't return, but I do still feel positive and hopeful. Today was a productive day. There's no doubt three cups of coffee had something to do with that. Although it started later than I would have liked. I forgot to take the Klonopin until around 9pm. The drug hangover lasted until sometime around 8 o'clock in the morning. I would have slept longer, but children were in need.

One very odd thing: my spouse told me that I had been snoring this morning. "Sawing logs" was the term actually used. I haven't been taking my decongestant before bedtime to avoid the stimulant properties. Many nights I've also often forgotten to use Nasonex, a nasal spray. The difference in ability and ease to breath through my nose when I've taken the Nasonex is truly amazing.

Klonopin Day Two

It was after 9pm before I took the Klonopin last night. At 6 o'clock this morning I was still a bit groggy, but much less than yesterday. I'm not as positive and excited about the day as I was yesterday, which is disappointing.

Yesterday I could definitely feel a difference in my anxiety level. It was _much_ lower. I haven't felt anything close to that since I first started taking Lexapro a few years ago.

Klonopin Night One

Given previous experiences with the twelve hour rule, I took the Klonopin around 8 o'clock last evening. I never did fell all that sleepy, at least not more than normal. I can't tell any different with my sleep, per se, but I do feel mentally more awake and excited for the day. Physically, I do feel a sort of "hangover". It's not as bad as it was for previous medications, but it's still there. I'm doing my best to push past it. I'd hate to have to do it everyday, though. I'd like to think this is a side effect that will decrease or that the dosage could be tweaked.

Another Medication

The sleep doctors office called to tell me there going to have me try a new medication: Klonopin. I suppose I should have had the prescription my family doctor gave me filled. From what I've read about Klonopin, I very well may have another few weeks of being groggy and very tired ahead of me.

I've been very tired today. It's the same sort of tired that makes me feel weak.

Afternoon of Exhaustion

I was pretty tired this morning. Had it not been Father's Day, I might have opted to not push myself to go to church. But I did and all went well at church. I even had enough energy once we got home to eat lunch with the rest of the family -- something that usually doesn't happen.

After lunch, there were tools to be assembled (it *is* Father's Day!). I know I'm tired when rather than helping to assemble, I curl up on the cement floor next to the table saw and take a nap. Once I woke-up from that, I felt pretty good. It was only about a half hour, however, until I moved to the futon in the rec room. When I woke-up there I felt pretty good again and made my way into the house. Almost immediately I was tired to the point of not being able to sit up. It was the kind of tired, where lifting my arms requires much, too much effort. I went outside to see if fresh air would help (it took a vast amount of energy to walk the 12 feet out the back door). I didn't. I sat for an unknown period of time, slumped over, my chin on my chest. I'm sure I napped at least part of the time. By this time it was a bit after 5pm. I slept most of the afternoon and still didn't feel rested.

When I was sitting outside, I wondered if perhaps I needed some water. I pushed myself to go inside and had a glass of cold water from the refrigerator. It tasted good and it seemed like I was thirsty. I felt a little better afterwards, but I never really did feel physically strong or energetic, just not overwhelmingly sleep. It was more just physically tired and weak.

That's pretty much the way I've felt for the entire afternoon and evening. Even when I slept in the shop, I wasn't sleepy as much as I felt weak and tired. Things like problem solving are beyond me right now. Straightforward things I can do, but anything out of the norm and I'm useless.

I probably should make mention of the whole "perhaps I needed some water" comment. For the past few months, maybe 6-9 months, I've had difficulty noticing when my body needs something. There have been times when I needed to use the restroom and I didn't recognise it until I very much needed to go. Other times, I only noticed that I was uncomfortable but didn't know why until I tried to figure it out. The same sort of thing occurs with feeling thirsty. I don't seem to recognise it any longer. I feel discomfort and like I need something, but I have to stop and think to figure out what it is. At times, I've been uncomfortable for a half hour or so before I completely recognise it and know I need to stop and thing to find out what it is. It's a weird thing.

I should be going to sleep right now, but I'm not thrilled at the thought of how much time I've slept already today. I don't really want to lose more time to it. I'm not sure that I have much of a choice, though. I am thirsty now, so maybe a cup of water and to bed and I'll hope to feel better tomorrow morning.

Early to bed, complex dreams

I slept well. I did seem to wake-up quite a bit during the night. I had quite a few very complex dreams as well, but when I awoke they were obviously dreams.

Lots of Sleep, Still Tired

I went to bed before 10 o'clock last evening. At first, I kept waking up aware that I was dreaming. Eventually I slept better, but I still seemed to wake-up more than usual. When the alarm rang (for the second time) at 6:30am, I was dreaming. Waking-up was very difficult. I'd been having an unpleasant dream about my spouse's and my relationship. Sorting it all out was a challenge.

I called the sleep doctor yesterday afternoon to report back on the Requip. He was already gone for the day and won't be in until Monday, so I should get a call back then. To add a bit of complication, the doctor's nurse won't be there on Monday. She seemed to stress that if something happened and one of the other nurses that was supposed to be covering for her didn't call me, that I should call them. It was nice to feel that I matter. After years of feeling written off by doctors, it's a really good feeling.

Last night I expressed my concern to my spouse about going through all this medical stuff only to find out that the insurance company won't cover medication or procedures or whatever. It seems like a waste of time, and incredibly frustrating, if that's a likely outcome. I'd hate to know that there's something that might help, but our insurance won't allow it. My spouse is convinced there's a way around all of that if we look hard enough. I'm not so sure.

I drank quite a bit of Diet Dr. Pepper yesterday, a full two litre bottle. Afterward I had the same uncomfortable feeling in my legs and felt quite jittery. I think I've identified something I need to avoid. Thus far, coffee hasn't had the same effects. It's time for another cup.

Sleep is Good

Last night I was horribly tired, the kind where it's uncomfortable, if not painful, to stand up. I made a promise to myself to get to bed early.

This morning was nice. I was still tired, but it didn't take a Herculean effort to get out of bed. I was also careful about drinking any sort of caffeine (and drinking plenty of water) after dinner. Sleep is good.

I'm still "normally" tired today, but somehow it helps to know that I haven't been fighting sleep for the whole day. And, yeah, sunshine helps.

More Thoughts On Night-Time Caffeine

Last night wasn't the first that I've grabbed some caffeine on the way home from grocery shopping. Usually it's an vanilla ice coffee from McDonalds, but this last time I was so thirsty I wanted something more "wet", if that makes sense.

I've never had problems sleeping after an ice coffee, even an extra large one. The times I can remember having caffeine in the evening being a problem, it was always from soda pop, and diet soda pop at that. Generally the information about aspartame causing so many problems doesn't impress me and I hate the thought of jumping on the band wagon, but perhaps when it comes to sleeping there's something there. Now that I think about it, this isn't the first time I've had problems sleeping after drinking diet soda at night.

Rocking Myself to Sleep

Last night was grocery night. Half-way through the market, I started yawning. A lot. I wondered whether I was going to be able to finish my shopping and drive home. The whole thing came on so quickly.

I felt parched as well as tired so I stopped on the way home to get a large water and large Diet Coke at Micky D's. The water went down fairly quickly, the Diet Coke less so. I was still quite tired when I got home, but I managed to unload and put away the groceries -- with the help of my spouse, of course.

As tired as I was, sleeping was difficult. At first, I couldn't settle, then my legs started causing troubles. I think it was the Diet Coke. I've purposefully limited my caffeine in the evening recently. Finally I decided to rock in the rocking chair. It's quieter than the stationary bicycle. I discovered it's possible to rock myself to sleep. Of course, it doesn't last long. Rocking did help, though, to work-out my legs. I still ended up falling asleep kneeling to keep my legs stretched, but at least I was able to get some sleep. It was just after 2am when I was finally able to sleep normally. I'd started around 10pm.

This morning...I'm pooped. This afternoon will be busy. I think a restful morning is definitely in order.

Dream-filled night

Last night was one of those nights where I begin dreaming immediately -- and wake-up a lot. At first, it seemed like as soon as I fell asleep I started to dream and then suddenly I'd jerk awake. My spouse didn't notice and thought I was sound asleep. Apparently I didn't show any signs of being restless during the night either. I can't remember any specifics of the dreams, only that they were all pretty odd. None were nightmares or anything disturbing. When I got up (twice!) in the middle of the night to use the facilities, I was so tired it was hard to walk. My arms were dangling at my sides and my walk was more of a shuffle.

In the morning I felt like I'd spent the whole night struggling. It wasn't that I was sleepy, it was more physically tired. I've fought that feeling all day so far. Coffee seems to have helped some. I'm drinking plenty of water and I even ate some cereal for breakfast hoping that food would help with my energy level.

I just woke up from a nap. At first, I didn't feel any better, but now that I've had a chance to move around, I do feel better.

Ah, Sleep

After going to bed early, I feel my normal. I could easily go back to sleep even though I've been up for an hour.

Incredibly Tired

I slept well. I still feel like I'm sleep deprived, even though I slept eight hours. Perhaps this is an allergy thing.

Up Late Again

This time it wasn't on purpose. Still I was awake until sometime after 1am. I would fall asleep and then jerk myself awake and feel terrible like I needed to move my whole body. This is the same sort of thing that I experienced the night of my sleep study.

I've been exhausted all day. The tiredness is the kind where I feel unreal and like everything around me is unreal. It's hard to comprehend the things around me and I literally can't think straight. I literally forgot where I was going in the time it took to climb two steps -- that's not two flights of steps, just two _steps_.

It's odd that althought I've been drinking Diet Mountain Dew all day, I don't feel in the slightest bit anxious or jittery. Vault Zero does give me those kind of problems. I also don't feel as constantly thirsty when I drink the Mountain Dew. With the Vault, I need to focus on drinking lots and lots of water or my mouth gets very dry.

I should go to sleep early tonight. Between the NHL playoffs and my spouse's airplane being delayed to the point of entirely missing the connector, my night's rather busy. Hopefully the children won't awaken me before 7am.

Stayed Up Too Late

As expected, I payed for it this morning. I made note of the feeling of just not enough sleep. I think it's a different feeling than I normally experience in the morning.

Sleepy Morning

The morning was filled with feeling tired but awake then quickly progressing to very sleepy. The sunlight is very nice, just not helping.

More "Normal"

I'm back to my "normal". Very tired in the morning, caffeine's effect is limited, naps always sound good and adrenaline is the best thing to keep me awake. I have wondered whether the latter isn't a big part of the problem. Perhaps I became too used to infusions of adrenaline as a kid? Could it be that I don't function well today because my system grew used to having a higher than "normal" level? Perhaps without stress I just don't function, and with too much stress I lose it completely? I wonder if that's plausible.