Jumping, twitching, jerking?

I don't remember what I've called it before. I suddenly jerk awake. Now that I recall, I did it before I started taking the Klonopin, but not while I was on it. It's annoying. I don't remember doing it as much in the middle of the night, although I did have some nights when it happened. When it did, I usually had caffeine too late at night. I did have caffeine around 6pm last night -- and I think I may have tonight, too. Having a bad memory stinks. This may be the thing that convinces me to call the sleep doctor.

I find that I need to proofread the things I type much more, too. I tend to miss words much more often or have difficulty spelling things correctly. I can actually "think" the correct spelling and have my fingers move a different way...it's a weird thing. I used to be able to talk to someone while thinking and typing something different. Now sometimes I can't even type what I'm thinking.

Hmmm, this is starting to sound like a gripe post. I don't intend that. My thoughts are how odd it is to feel this way. It's almost like my brain has started aging faster than my body and has "senior moments". LOL.

Out of Klonopin

Last night was the first night (intentionally) without the Klonopin. I didn't sleep well, partly because our old cat spent a lot of the night yowling, partly because of very odd and disturbing dreams, and partly because my oldest has a virus and he tends to run high fevers. I didn't sleep well the previous night either -- more cat yowling. I think the cat is deaf, has lost some of her eyesight, and likely suffers from some form of cat Alzheimer's. The poor old girl has her challenges, but she's still sweet and a good friend. On top of the yowling and dreams, I think I'm catching the virus my oldest child has. I've had a headache most of the day.

With all the above going on, it's hard to tell if this tired is normal, greater because of getting sick, or greater because of no Klonopin.

No, I still haven't called the sleep doctor. Nor have I submitted the script for Klonopin my gp gave me -- with my oldest sick with a fever, going out, even to drop off a script didn't seem like a good idea. So, maybe tomorrow I'll get more Klonopin, if "we" don't have such a good case of the sickies. I wouldn't count on my getting up the courage to call the sleep doctor.

Need. Coffee.

Early Monday Morning

I actually enjoy early mornings. Waking up early with all the potential of the day ahead feels good. The first part of waking is hard, but that's generally the rule with me on waking. I like a little time to myself in the morning before the chaos starts and getting up early (usually) gives me that. The problem is that waking early means I often need an additional nap. So, in effect, I'm trading time: more time to get my day going, for time in my day once it gets going.

Forgoing Diet Soda Pop

Several days ago, I decided to stop drinking diet soda. It seemed that every time I had more than one, I became jittery, anxious and uncomfortable. I decided to see if quitting the soda would make a difference. It appears it has. Since quitting soda, I've felt better. I'm surprised how much I miss it, though.

I've needed at least two, sometimes three, naps each day. The naps, if not interrupted or scheduled with an alarm, tend to last more than an hour.

Waking Up Tired

Every so often I contemplate that, for most of my life, I've been tired when I woke up. As stupid as it may sound, I'm tired of it. Having to fight tiredness for years and years gets to me. Giving in becomes tempting. Very tempting.

It doesn't help that my experiences seem to be not uncommon. I've read enough posting on message boards or other blogs to see that I'm not alone by a long shot. There seem to be a lot of very tired and very sleepy people "out there". A fair number of them, like me, have tried numerous solutions to no avail. A future of fighting to keep myself moving is discouraging. It may seem obvious, but I don't like pushing myself to keep going when I'm exhausted or sleepy. I especially don't like that it's a daily thing and has been for years. (Am I repeating myself?)

This sounds too much like whining. In a way, it was better NOT to know that most people don't normally have to constantly push themselves because they're tired and/or sleepy. I now know that, in theory, it doesn't have to be this way -- unless, of course, it does because this is just something with which I have to live. That last bit seems convoluted, but I know what I'm trying to say.

While I'm ranting, it also bugs me that my less than normal upbringing may play a part in this. I think it most likely does. Constant anxiety is tiring. Hyper-vigilance is tiring. It's too bad there isn't a switch to turn off such things.

Who knows, maybe this will help me gather the hope and "guts" to call the sleep doctor.

Structure helping

I've tried to develop more of a structure to my days and it's seem to have helped. I'm able to tell myself I just need to make it to a certain time and then I can rest.

This past week had additional factors that helped. Urgency. The power of adrenaline is amazing. Next week will need to be more low key. Already today, I'm very sleep even though I've had two cups of coffee (and my normal morning medications that are supposed to make it harder to sleep). A third cup tempts me, but I don't want the jitters I already have to increase. I even went to sleep at a normal time last night unlike many Friday nights. I just have way too much I want to get done to sleep the day away.

My memory is still pathetic. It's not uncommon for me to click on a web link and by the time the page loads I don't remember why I navigated there. I'm on DSL....it's frustrating.

I've still not yet called the sleep doctor...I need to do so fairly soon. I have about a week's worth of Klonopin left.

Memory? What memory?

The title says it all.

Another REALLY Sleepy Phase

It doesn't seem to matter how much or how little sleep I get, I'm always sleepy. My concentration is definitely even more dimished, as is my ability to make good decisions or face difficulties. This is not a good thing.

Several cups of coffee, my decongestant that contains a stimulant, Nasonex and plenty of water haven't changed anything. This is not a good thing. I have much, too much to do to lose more time sleeping. For the past several days, I've taken at least three naps. I usually don't feel well rested and sleeping for a while longer doesn't help. If I try to stay awake, I become incoherrent or grumpy beyond belief.